Sometimes I'm Glad I Didn't Go to School for This

A pre morning coffee conversation with a client:

Client: We will need walls set up. How many wall pieces do we need?
Me: What dimensions will you need to work within?
Client: What size is the stage? (This is his 50th or so time doing a show here)
Me: Approximately 30' x 30'
Client: Yes, we will need the stage. How many walls to fill half the stage? Oh...and we will also need 3 doors and a window.
Me: Well, each wall piece is 4' wide.
Client: Will 3 wall pieces be enough?
Me: Is 12' long enough?
Client: No it is not. How many pieces do I need? (note: this is a university professor)
Me: Can you draw me a diagram of what you want? (I hand him a scale diagram of our blank stage) Oh, and by the way. Will you want any special lighting or sound?
Client: Ok (turns over the scale drawing and draws 3 walls, space for 3 doors and 1 window on the other side of the page). I want to do this. No special lighting. We won't need any sound.
Me: It might give me a better idea if you drew what you wanted on the scale diagram.
Client: Ok. (He turns over the page and proceeds to draw his three walls once again...right through where the curtains are drawn and into the wings)
Me: Hmmm...It looks like your set won't fit on our stage eh? It might have to be smaller than you designed eh?
Client: (blank stare -- Draws it again...this time within the actual stage space)
Me: (after quickly measuring with a scale ruler) 8 x's 4' pieces will work for you. However, I have only one door frame, but no doors. I have a window you can use.
Client: Yes, I definitely need the door frame. We can use curtains for the other doors.
Me: The door frame doesn't come with a door.
Client: I understand. We'll use curtains for this too. We will need to paint the wall pieces white.
Me: Ok.
Client: Some have a lot of colour on them now
Me: Yes they do.
Client: I don't think I will be able to get them white.
Me: Might take more than 2 coats of paint.
Client: But, I need them white. (looks at me for a miracle solution)
Me: You could always get more wood and build some new walls.
Client: No no. That's ok. Painting them will work right? Oh. I also want the sun to rise at the back at one point in the play. Can you have a sun behind the wall?
Me: Behind the wall? But the walls are solid.
Client: No...over the wall. The walls are only 8' high. Show the sun above this.
Me: So your house has no roof?
Client: Maybe we can have the sun seen through the window. Oh. And stars for the night scene.
Me: As you can see, it's a very small window. What you are wanting may not work on stage.
Client: But you will try yes?
Me: I'll do my best. It will be easier to do after the walls are in place. So, just to double check, you won't need any audio?
Client: No sound at all. Only music.
Me: Music?
Client: Yes, on cd.
Me: Music is sound.
Client: Yes.
Me: (looking around for the hidden camera... sees the theatre manager smirking in his corner of the room)
Client: I will have to go park my car now. Where can I park?
Me: In parking lot #1.
Client : But, it is full. The sign states that one must park in lot #2.
Me: (blank stare)
Client: I will be back after I park and then I will paint. Thank you so much for all of your assistance.
Me: You are very welcome.

He goes. I go for coffee. My weekend should be fun.

God Bless

There is, sadly, something quintessentially American in the image of a group of people comprised of elderly, infirmed and poor huddled together in a football stadium for safety as they await a coming storm.

Managing to Lead?

Semantic masturbation aside, I think that there is more to the leader/manager question than meets the eye. I don't really know why this subject is taking up such a large portion of my public consciousness these days but, until I dwell on it some more, I fear that it may take up permanent residence--something I do not want. I work at a University. The purpose of gaining a 'higher' education at a university, at least to my way of thinking, is to provide one with a challenging, thought provoking environment where one can sample from a vast pool of knowledge bases. Then one can begin thinking for oneself having thereby learned to take in information, chew on it for awhile and come up with one's own conclusions. Yes, I support a liberal arts education. It disturbs me when I speak to students who are embarking upon their university studies and their purpose for being here is to get the information/tools they need to be highly paid (therefore respected?) members of the work force. Forget about learning for the sake, and love, of learning. The university is buying into this corporate/cookie cutter mentality. Students are becoming clients. Guest speakers at the university include the CEO of Magma International (only a handful of actual students came to this one...a lot of profs and high level admin folks were present however). Add to this that the Arts department is promoting a new service that will group arts students together so that one is kept with the same group of people taking the same courses for the next 4 years (much like highschool...I wasn't very much fond of highschool myself). The mentality behind this is to create a more postive, nurturing space for students to learn in and giving them constant 'study buddies' with whom they may share thier intellectual journey. Heaven forbid we expect these kids to flourish in new and challenging situations where they are forced to think for themselves!! There is also a department here that states as its purpose that it is to create the leaders of tomorrow. (yup...finally got back to the L word) Here students study such things as public affairs and management. Ok, I'll reveal yet another bias of mine...the bias against corporate management training. The methodologies keep changing but the results seem the same...let's create cloned managment types that are able to work in very particular types of atmospheres...once again, lets leave out original thought. Yes, I will concede that management skills are important but...where are the leaders? Can leadership even be taught? Is the connection between management and leadership similar to that between a musician's technical skill and his/her abilities to emote musically? I would think that actual leaders would come out from a field of study where original thought was promoted--a place where their innate? leadership/visionary abilities are able to flourish but, I don't have any stats to back up this claim. Just a hunch. Or wishful thinking.

I need a frequency boost

My graphic eq that was sent away pre vacation ... again ... came back yesterday. Tested it this morning. Still doesn't work. Still fucked. Same thing as always. The dudes who check it send it back to me saying there is nothing wrong. I plug it in and I lose 3db right away when I engage the +12 boost. Then, the thing fails to boost properly yet seems to do a half decent job of cutting. I was told that it might be the switch but, both channels react in the same way. So, it looks like I have a site specific intermittent problem that happens to two separate channels at the same time simultaneously and coincidentally. That or, the dudes don't know what the hell they are doing. Sigh. Now I gotta find me some more dudes.

Been thinking about the differences between managers and leaders and what would be better...a manager who can lead? or, a leader who can manage?

Been thinking about the local football team's promotion...mardi gras nights. Basically, dudes get a string of beads and choose a gal to hand them to. Gals win prizes when they collect the most beads. Some city councillors have complained about the overt sexist display. Some councillors have said 'chill out.' Local morning radio is chock full of false dude laughter over stupid, pointless, sexist, racist, otherwise discriminatory garbage. CBC is still on strike. My defences are high. I sense a war coming. My boss thinks the war will come between the city folk and the rural folk. I'm not so sure. Especially when I told him that I was pissed off about the eq situation and that it was a part of a chain of similar scenerios and his response was 'well, it's not because you are a woman if that's what you are thinking.' No, I thought. It's because the main eq fixing dude is a sometimes functioning/sometimes not alcoholic that, like many other dudes out there, seems to think that it's ok to do half ass work and wallow in past hurts and injustices. It's cuz I come from an lx rather than audio background. It's cuz I was a performer before going backstage. It's cuz the needs of this place aren't high on dudes list of important things. It's cuz dude feels the need to bullshit and belittle rather than admit that there might possibly be a problem out there that he can't fix. It's cuz dude isn't a woman in the first place. So there! (put in picture here of me sticking out my tongue)

Sometimes a Pink Button is More Than a Pink Button

This morning began as most hectic pre work/school/coffee mornings do. The alarm began beeping. I rolled over to ignore it. One of the cats began rubbing my face and drooling. My daughter (who had snuck into my bed sometime during the night) let out a sigh. I got up and glared at J (who had no idea I was doing this since he was fast asleep or ignoring the alarm more successfully than I) and began the morning routine of getting myself up and ready, the kids up and ready, cats and kids fed, myself caffeineated and out the door. This morning, S began talking about wanting to bring a special pink button to school:

"Can I bring it to school mummy? I love it"

My response a distracted "ok."

Well, we got in the car and I must confess to tuning out S as she went on and on about her special pink button and how it came from her fall coat and how it had fallen off and she had found it. I was doing my best to avoid hitting those pedestrians that had just woken up or who were ready for bed (I love that turn around time of the morning). When we got to the daycare, S informed me that she had lost the button. "oh well sweetie, we'll find it after school." I hadn't really understood how important this button was. After finally coming out the car thinking I would search for it, she crumpled herself on the sidewalk in a state of abject misery worthy of a full scholarship to the national theatre school. I picked her up and carried her to the driveway. Well, my son A witnessed this display and wanted to be carried too. I said no. He took off his ball cap and threw it to the ground and shrieked like a seagull. Just at this time, an elderly gentleman came walking by, pointed to A and, like in the Simpsons, said 'ha ha ha.' This pissed A off more (and me too) and we all stalked rather miserably to the daycare door. Once inside, I informed the kids that no one was going to be carried up the stairs. This resulted in more wailing and carrying on. At least I wasn't playing favourites. 'A' recovered when we got to the top of the stairs. S, on the otherhand, first hid in a locker, than crumpled herself to the ground. I finally got her over the gate whereupon she threw herself on it and I watched as the tear soaked face slid down the plexiglass. I haven't yet mentioned that S now wears a patch over one eye in the mornings. That with her missing bottom teeth gives her a true pirate look. Imagine if you will the look of a miserable pirate squished to glass and you will have an understanding of how she looked.
When I got to the car, I realized that I would be late for work. So be it. When I get home tonight, I'm going to make sure to find that pink button.

When we skate, we skate on ice

I'm listening in on my kids again. S is explaining to A about skating:
A: 'Can we just stand there?'
S: 'No, you have to skate.'
A: 'Can we skate on the road?'
S: 'No, when we skate, we skate on ice.'

Yesterday at dinner, A told us that he was going to drive the car. S gave immediate reasons why this wouldn't work:
1) His feet can't reach the pedals;
2) He doesn't have keys.
I told J that this was clear evidence of the generation gap at work. Wherein we would think that the kids are obviously too young and therefore the thought of them driving cars at this age is inconceivable, their reasons are reflective of a different thought processes at work. Things like this make me feel old.

There are other things, however, that make me feel rather young. My immediate neighbours are all very pleasant ('cept for one but he and his family are moving out Sept. 1st...he was the one who mentioned in passing 'hmmm...never had a wasp problem before you guys arrived' and 'hmmm...never found rocks in the parking area until your kids came around...not that I'm saying it was them' ... imagine the hidden 'hmmmm' I had in my mind). Anyway, back to the nice neighbours...I've met the mothers/wives of three of the family. They are around my biological age but I feel young (not necessarily in a good way) around them. Hard to explain but, I just feel a bit immature around them. I am bare foot, they have sandels/shoes...I am kicking the soccer ball around, they are leaving it to the kids....hmmm.
Even reading this I can't help but think that a lot of my feelings are coming from me not them. I just can't pin it down. I guess a large part of it is that I don't feel 36...I think the same way as I did when I was 24...don't I? Ok...I got married...work more than study...have kids...but...I still don't really feel that this is my life. Certainly there is more to my life than these stats.
I think that maybe, just perhaps, I'll try to learn how to skate this year.

Smile...someone loves you

My return to work went relatively smooth. I highly recommend to all that when they return to work after holidays that they do their best to come back on a Thursday or Friday rather than Monday. I did a work related course (safety) on Thursday morning then went home to nap. On Friday was the body builder set up and catch up with my lovely staff who were happy to exclaim 'the bitch is back.' It's nice to inspire people to sing Elton John. I went in this morning to make sure the event would go off as smooth as possible and voila! I got home before noon and am not scheduled back until Tuesday. Last night J actually surprised me by getting his mom to come by to look after the kids and their dinner and he took me out. It was very very nice. We walked to an Indian restaurant that was serving a small buffet (all you can eat) ... the food was excellent. Pakoras that melted in the mouth, butter chicken moist and tender, na'an bread perfectly done. We stuffed ourselves royally and, best yet, giggled non stop. I noted to J that when we were rafting he had a smile pasted to his face...damn he was good looking. Funny that I hadn't realized how little he had been smiling of late. I really should pay more attention. It's too easy to get caught up in my self and own concerns. Easier still to create a barrier between myself and such events as bombings, floods, gaza, senseless deaths, senseless hunger, senseless despair ... why is it that I try to make sense of things so obviously senseless? (side note/non sequitor: the kids are presently pretending that they are cats...they are crawling around upstairs and meowing to each other...).

Things That Stink

The cat box
J's feet
Having to go back to work when one more week of vacation would be dandy
Body Builder oil and tanning solutions
Month old hummous
Month old baba ganoush
Outdoor rust proof paint
Theatre laundry left to fester for 3 months
Friends that live too far away to join for coffee
Having J get offended when his stinky feet are brought up
Having to clean the cat box
Out houses
Tim Hortons Coffee
Paper Mills
Gas stations
Gas over $1/litre
A world with bombs
Movies that bomb (National Treasure...very stinky)
Beer Halls during the afternoon
Having to try and explain myself yet again
Committee meetings
Bad T.V.
Prime Time
CBC on strike
No milk for coffee
Unsatisfied cravings
Old men who reek of mis starts and failed attempts
Wanting to say sorry but not knowing what for

My neighbourhood

Woke up this morning in pain. A dull throbbing tight achy all over pain. My shoulders and neck felt large. My arms felt heavy. My legs, already covered in mosquito made welts, burned. My back felt somewhat pre-labourish. Basically, my entire body was swearing at me. J had had to work last night and didn't get in until 3:30am. I forced myself into movement and got the kids up and clothed and fed and out. When I returned home I crashed on the couch and watched Tommy Lee guest star on Regis and Kelly. Yikes. You know those times that you are doing something that just isn't good for you but you haven't the strength to move? Watching Tommy bounce around on the interview stool playing air drums was one of those 'I really should have turned off or looked away' moments. I got J up and we went walking in our new neighbourhood. I thought I would get a spur of the moment hair cut (I felt in need of some pampering). Seems that the hair dressers in this neck of the woods don't work on Mondays unless there is a red and white striped pole in the front. My fair locks remain intact. I love that there is a hardware store close by. It's one of those 'it has everything in it' type of stores. Not like the home depots that are taking over the world...this one has basic hardware stuff but also sells plates, rat poison, garbage cans, cleaners for every occasion, gift cards and appliances. Everything is crammed into the smallest space possible. I love it. There is a decent drug store close by as well. This too is a good thing. Between the drug store and the hardware store lies a LCBO (liquor board of ontario folks!). There is also a bookstore/coffee shop, a Bridgehead, an amazing Deli with overpriced oils from around the world, a butcher (that will sell you the whole cow and throw in a chicken to boot), a fresh pasta shop, a shop specializing in tea and an Herb and Spice. Throw in 2 diners, 2 pubs, 2 fine dining establishments, a vegetarian eatery and a Thai food restaurant and one's meals on the run are covered. A luggage shop, a used sporting goods store, a new age type shop, a clothing store that had as its base price for everything from scarves to beach hats to blouses as $118, a knick knack place, a couple furniture stores (antique, modern and one a bit in between) and a few computer stores pretty much sum up the street. I like it. It's eclectic. It's yummy. It's home. Coming home my body seemed to be in a more forgiving mood. I started puttering. J had a nap. I picked up the kids. Cycle completed.

A little water music

Got home a few hours ago. Have not received hugs sooooo huge from anyone as I got from the kids. Of course it would be pizza night too! Mommy and Daddy are Gods! So I'm feeling a wee bit stiff, sore and battered. J and I left on late Friday afternoon and arrived at the site at approximately 7pm. We set up our campsite and waited for the rest of the group. And waited. And waited. J placed a tarp over our tent that was the envy of the camp ground. We had our arm chairs out and beers in hand (mine Stella Artois, his Canadian). And we waited. Eventually, we got up to look around (10pm) and finally ran into JO. Seems the group had stumbled upon our site after we had left it (go figure) ... they had decided to camp on a different ground...in the 'quiet area.' Our site then became the designated 'party area.' So, imagine if you will a camp ground filled with university aged student types strutting their collective stuff and 'whoo hooing' to all hours. Then there was our group. We too got a noise warning...wasn't from me...I was too close to comotose (11pm is my usual bedtime and we were looking at the other side of midnight) and declined to follow the rest of the group to the lodge for more partying...I crashed. J soon followed...he had imbibed a wee bit too much. Nope...we aren't 23 anymore.
Next morning we crawled out of the tent around 9am. J and I headed to breakfast and I was impressed by the spread. They have to feed over 600 people and the food was actually good and plentiful. No complaints. Not even with the coffee. The rest of the group wanted to hang out at the beach...J and I hooked on to a free mountain bike tour/lesson. Cool. It took 1/2 and we actually went on a one track course. It was fun. J and I then went swimming. Gorgeous water. I went on a paddle boat ride and by that time (11:30am) I was feeling pretty spent. I continued swimming though until lunch was served aroun 1pm (once again...yummy and plentiful). After lunch, we went to try out some kayaking. I loved it!!! Very cool to be in a one person vessel. Didn't take long to be zipping around either. J and I then rented a bike for me (J had brought his) and we went for an hour and a half ride. Ok...my bum hurt after the morning...now it was beginning to burn!!! I went back in the water to try to heal. Dinner time came and went, J and I sat on some couches with coffee (yes...this place actually had decent java!) and we began to zone out. Our scheduled trip time was for 7:30 the next morning so we went for a walk instead of partaking in the lodges '80's night' celebrations. (side note: It was very amusing to see a group of folks born in the late 80's dress for the decade. What they seem to have perceived from our beloved 80's was that it was filled with fushia prom dresses, side hung pony tails and tacky tacky clothes. Yes thought I ... but, there was soooo much more!) J and I went to our tent to attempt to crash admist the ruckus. I heard the sultry stylings of "jessie's girl" being played almost in key by the band...well...I'll keep you informed if there is anything more to say about this.
Next morning J's alarm went off and we dragged ourselves from the tent, got dressed and headed for breakfast. Coffee. Coffee. oh yeah, I also had special k with coconut on it...yummy...will have to keep that it mind for home. We had a briefing and filled up a couple school buses that would take us to the rapids. After stopping to get our helmets, jackets and paddles, we walked the rest of the way to the rafts. Ok. Overall the trip was wonderful. I was sitting at the back with J and got sufficiently bashed around by the waves and raft. Very very cool. My arms are aching with paddling. We also were told to leave the raft at one point and just drift down the river (also cool). Lunch was provided half way down...a fire was lit so we could warm up a bit....the water was warm but, wet clothes on land are never nice. We continued through other vicious sounding rapids (butcher's knife, chopping block and the like). After a bit we stopped and climbed a small cliff. Like lemmings, people lined up and jumped into the current below having only a short time to get oriented before having to swim like mad to the shore. I wasn't going to do it. I did it! I'm proud of myself. Very cool. Near the end of the run, we stopped to 'raft surf' a bit. Basically, this consisted of getting the raft caught between two currents and having the raft fill with water. Fun. By the time we landed, I was beat but happy. Now I'm home...sore...completely exhausted but had a lot of fun overall. I would love to try out the kayaking one next time. Not that I'm really interested in this exercise thing at all. Oh...and I might be the next victim of west nile...I can't even count the number of bites I have on me...mostly on my feet. Have sympathy please! J got a call in to work tonight. After I publish this, I'm off to bed...I'm even forgoing the shower. Way too tired. A good tired. A very very good tired. Good night.

Foot Fall

Have I gone too far? Have I revealed too much? I haven't meant any harm...really. It's hard for me to know what the line is cuz I end up criss crossing over it so much in my everyday. How am I to know that many people are repelled by menstrual talk or are just not interested in how my dry feet are not as scaly today. My social graces are, at times, unrefined. I should, however, remember to keep information about others to a minimum. For all the A's, S's, B's -- hell, to the entire alphabet and beyond--I promise to keep comments a wee bit more general in the future. That said and done, does anyone have advice for my poor dry scaly feet? I try to moisturize...to no avail. I've tried medicated cream...stinky but still ineffective. I'm finding that as I get older, I'm becoming more concerned with, not just my outward appearance, but with how my body actually feels. (is there any irony in the fact that just after I wrote this I went into the kitchen and cut myself a piece of banana cake for breakfast?)

So, J and I are going white water rafting this weekend. I had been very excited about this. Now, I'm not so sure. I am very keen on spending time with JO and A and their friends. It's my last full weekend of my vacation...I'll miss the kids. J is missing out on a big work weekend too. I just have mixed feelings. To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. I can't see that it is very dangerous but...I think I'll be happiest when I'm back at home holding the kids and thinking back on marvelous memories. J wants to take me mountain biking this weekend too...I think I will be in pain. I'm a wimp. I don't want pain. I want smooth feet.

A terrible beauty

Move went well...love the house. Went camping with kids and kept on driving to paradise. My friend's cottage on Mlake...beautiful. Funny, it's not really the camp that makes it so perfect but the drive into the area. We go through S valley and the scenery is gorgeous; Lush fields, quiet farm houses...the area exudes peace. I love it. I wouldn't want to live there. I just love driving through it. This may seem weird but, I don't think the end destination would have the same effect without the lead up view. There may be a life lesson in here somewhere. So, my kids got to play with S's kids. Strange encounters. Kids have a politics that is a strange mix of parental guidance/anxiety and personal quirks. Mix in a bit of pack mentality and ... well, I guess it coulda been worse. Only a few screams and tattles. For the most part they played well together. It was more interesting to watch the parental dynamics at work. We have different parental styles which is to be expected...Hell, our kids are different. Fortunately, we share basic core values so guards could be let down somewhat. Not sure how I feel about the S & B relationship. I wish it were more equal...but, at the same time, I'm not able to know what's going on behind the scenes. S has her body back but is still wounded. It could be the loss of her mom...it could be the situation she is in (feeling a bit caged/trapped)...it could be...a number of things I guess. We are all aging. Enjoying and suffering. Personally, I have always been drawn to the 'terrible beauty.' My mom suggested on a number of occasions that a big chunk of me enjoyed being miserable. Not exactly mom...but close. I like the feeling of sadness welling up inside of me and having it topped off with a child's giggle or a beautiful sunset. A state of being emotionally full. This is what this mini vacation did to me. I highly recommend it.