Sometimes I'm Glad I Didn't Go to School for This

A pre morning coffee conversation with a client:

Client: We will need walls set up. How many wall pieces do we need?
Me: What dimensions will you need to work within?
Client: What size is the stage? (This is his 50th or so time doing a show here)
Me: Approximately 30' x 30'
Client: Yes, we will need the stage. How many walls to fill half the stage? Oh...and we will also need 3 doors and a window.
Me: Well, each wall piece is 4' wide.
Client: Will 3 wall pieces be enough?
Me: Is 12' long enough?
Client: No it is not. How many pieces do I need? (note: this is a university professor)
Me: Can you draw me a diagram of what you want? (I hand him a scale diagram of our blank stage) Oh, and by the way. Will you want any special lighting or sound?
Client: Ok (turns over the scale drawing and draws 3 walls, space for 3 doors and 1 window on the other side of the page). I want to do this. No special lighting. We won't need any sound.
Me: It might give me a better idea if you drew what you wanted on the scale diagram.
Client: Ok. (He turns over the page and proceeds to draw his three walls once again...right through where the curtains are drawn and into the wings)
Me: Hmmm...It looks like your set won't fit on our stage eh? It might have to be smaller than you designed eh?
Client: (blank stare -- Draws it again...this time within the actual stage space)
Me: (after quickly measuring with a scale ruler) 8 x's 4' pieces will work for you. However, I have only one door frame, but no doors. I have a window you can use.
Client: Yes, I definitely need the door frame. We can use curtains for the other doors.
Me: The door frame doesn't come with a door.
Client: I understand. We'll use curtains for this too. We will need to paint the wall pieces white.
Me: Ok.
Client: Some have a lot of colour on them now
Me: Yes they do.
Client: I don't think I will be able to get them white.
Me: Might take more than 2 coats of paint.
Client: But, I need them white. (looks at me for a miracle solution)
Me: You could always get more wood and build some new walls.
Client: No no. That's ok. Painting them will work right? Oh. I also want the sun to rise at the back at one point in the play. Can you have a sun behind the wall?
Me: Behind the wall? But the walls are solid.
Client: No...over the wall. The walls are only 8' high. Show the sun above this.
Me: So your house has no roof?
Client: Maybe we can have the sun seen through the window. Oh. And stars for the night scene.
Me: As you can see, it's a very small window. What you are wanting may not work on stage.
Client: But you will try yes?
Me: I'll do my best. It will be easier to do after the walls are in place. So, just to double check, you won't need any audio?
Client: No sound at all. Only music.
Me: Music?
Client: Yes, on cd.
Me: Music is sound.
Client: Yes.
Me: (looking around for the hidden camera... sees the theatre manager smirking in his corner of the room)
Client: I will have to go park my car now. Where can I park?
Me: In parking lot #1.
Client : But, it is full. The sign states that one must park in lot #2.
Me: (blank stare)
Client: I will be back after I park and then I will paint. Thank you so much for all of your assistance.
Me: You are very welcome.

He goes. I go for coffee. My weekend should be fun.