Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday.

Odds & Sods

Could my feet be allergic to outside? It's sad really. Anytime I go outside barefoot my feet get itchy. Does that mean I'll don appropriate footware? No. I like being barefoot too much. I'll just settle for itchy feet. Speaking of itch...the mosquitos are horrible so far this year. The bites don't just itch either. The area around where I've been bitten is also sore. Another sign of a future pandemic I suppose. Had a day off. Enjoying it. Well...except that I had to bring my car in for an oil change and am facing a bill of at least $1500. Seems everything is leaking...and it has loose ball joints. Me and my car are one. The impending loss of cash is one thing...worse yet is that they sent me home in a minivan. It's a tank. It's huge. It's horrible. Ok...roomy on the inside and, on a day like this, it's nice to have working air conditioning but...it has zero pick up...doesn't corner well...sightlines suck....overall, I give it a blech. I think I offended the poor dude who handed it over to me. He was proud and thinking he was giving me a treat. At least he jigged the numbers on how much gas was in the tank so I shouldn't have to add any more to it before it's returned. I then took the kids to the eye doctor. J is working so both had to come for S's appointment. Good news...her eye is improving. First time ever we got in and out right away too...probably because I brought 'the boy.' I should remember that. I then dragged the kids to a bookstore looking for Richards...or Hospital. The eyes of the woman working there lit up when I mentioned these two authors...she was out but...suggested The Hatbox Letters by Beth Powning and, Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden. Looking forward to them. My house is clean...the laundry is up to date...no forseeable rush tonight. Can't find a sitter (ok..didn't really look all that hard) so will have to miss the daycare board meeting. I feel a bit bad but...I do believe that I'll get over it. Worked a show on Sunday...had a sick tech. Went well. I've still 'got it.' The garden is planted. Beans, carrots, beets (seriously), cucumbers, and tomatoes. Neighbours weren't around when I planted...well, the kids were...and they all helped. I also planted herbs beside my door. Oregano, chives, basil, parsley, lavender and tarragon. I'm pretty much set for June.

For Shame

I've a day off from my day/evening/weekend/career? job tomorrow. Yippee. I plan to work on cleaning the upstairs bathroom, picking up in the kids' rooms, getting some flower type plants, picking up some seeds (yes...although there is a frost warning upon us tonight, the time for planting is nigh), go to the gym (been far too long), do some groceries, have a spa-like bath, get a book from a bookstore (still haven't read the latest...yes, it's been a couple years now...from David Adams Richards), read a bit, drink some wine (thank you CTP), do no more than 3 loads of laundry and cut my toe nails. I have a full day ahead of me. That said, a couple things have been on my mind.

1) I spoke to a dear friend the other day. His partner hates me. This wasn't always the case. We got on quite well. She decided, however, to let me know about her intense hatred last year (a week after I had taken her out for dinner at the Gypsy Coop). I've avoided calling because a) I don't want to cause more trouble, and b) I'd rather avoid confrontation just in case she was the one to answer the call. I honestly don't know what happened. My friend cites run of the mill craziness. Perhaps. It's kinda weird knowing that someone out there feels that I have caused them nothing but grief. And here I thought our last meal together was rather tasty.

2) I don't have any friends close by to have coffee with on a whim. This sucks. But, I do know of 2 people who I haven't called in a bit that really could become said coffee whim folks. What's holding me back? Inertia probably.

3) The sports frenzy that appears to be everywhere these days is bothering me. It's not that I'm anti competition. I'm all for it. I'm as competitive as the next person (perhaps a bit more) but, I like to compete to improve myself...not to put someone else down. On a grander scale, if our country's team can beat another country's team does that make us superior in any real way? Does it really matter? Why can't we take lessons from one of the greatest indoor sports...yes, I'm talkin' sex. The only time there are losers are when any of the folks involved aren't having a good time.

4) It makes me sad when I see strong women getting beat up and smashed down for being too mouthy (this mouthiness only noticed because their strengths successfully lead them to positions basking in proverbial limelight where they are expected and encouraged to profer expertise on things far beyond the scope of their knowledge/experience). They really should learn to remain demure and uncontroversial. Maybe we just expect too much from them. Like asking a wet behind the ears pop singer for her views on Iraq and then deciding to scoff at her answers. We set them up, then tear them apart. Frankly, it's a bit dull. I'm also reminded of being in grade 2 and being forced to walk in the ditch on the way to school because I answered too many questions in class.

5) Bad acting, silly dialogue, unbelievable premises ... when will this drought be over? The emperor is naked folks! Stark naked!

6) Is money so important that our only punitive action is to withhold it? I yearn for public stocks. What about some old fashioned shame? I'd actually buy that.

The Show is Over, Long Live the Show

Strange feeling this. Closed a show this afternoon. Struck it out. It's gone. Replaced it with another show that ran tonight. I left at curtain. Tomorrow is another show. Sunday will have two. Monday is a rehearsal for shows on Thursday and Saturday. Wednesday and Friday are rehearsals for next Sunday's show. Get 'em in, Get 'em on, Get 'em out. That's our motto. Today was a blur. Everything got done. I'll miss the folks that left this afternoon. It was a really good group to work with. That's how it goes tho'...you meet people for a brief time and work like dogs together to create something special...then let it all go. The set comes down, the costumes are packed away, the lights get focused back to plot. The loading door gets closed and the stage is readied for the next group. I'm looking forward to Tuesday. It's a day off. This weekend I only have a couple small shifts so it's not so bad. I'm craving some serious family time. I'm also craving going to a bar/pub, dancing madly to 'the smiths,' 'the violent femmes,' etc. and drinking scotch and coke and playing some passable pool. I don't remember the last time I got drunk...with friends...just because. I'm also craving a good read. 'The Da Vinci Code', while diverting, was no mental exercise. A week of watching 'Hamlet' has made me realize how wonderful good language and acting can be...and how much I miss it. I start dreaming about 'writing that book' I've been putting off...or working on some other artistic venture. Actually, while watching the play today, I thought how it would work if the characters of Hamlet were portrayed as cards from a common playing deck...with Hamlet as the joker. It would work. I think it would work quite well. I like playing in my brain.

Epiphany

Something happened recently that helped to, once again, put things in perspective for me. Without going into any details, suffice it to say that once again at a time where I was becoming swamped with/at work and feeling guilt at my inability to provide enough quality time for my family, this 'something' that occured shook me out of my self absorption enough to realize a couple things:

a) I have it pretty damn good;
b) It wouldn't take much for things to change drastically and, as such, it's best to appreciate each moment as it comes to its fullest, and;
c) Sometimes, the best cure for what ails ya is a good friend and, if not readily available, a good reminder -- in this case I chose Alden Nowlan (missing you to cm)

It will be an early night tonight. Sweetest of dreams to all!

Fantasy

Ok. Sorry. I have to gloat a bit. Last night was wonderful! It's hard, sometimes, when you are with someone for a long time to keep the proverbial spark alive. It takes work. Understanding. Compromise....yadda yadda yadda. So. Last night, J and I each had an 'opening night' in separate theatres. I left for home as soon as my show started. I have staff who run the shows in my space. I would rather bugger off and be with my kids. J had to stay for his show. Not so much 'had to' ... it is a labour of love. Well. I hinted. J got the hint!!! Big time! At home alone, I began to think that J would probably forget about me and stay with the cast at the theatre and...later move on with the stragglers of the group to a nearby pub and get trashed only to stumble home around 3am reeking of cigarettes and alcohol, crashing on the coucn and making the next day a veritable right off. It's happened before. Not last night though! Around 11pm I heard the familiar key opening the back door. J came home. Not only did he come home...he brought home some beer from the cast party! He told me that he had worked like a dog with these people all week and, when the show was over, he enjoyed a celebratory drink with them. After that, he told them that he had an early morning and had to go. They all cheered him and he took off. He told me that he had been thinking of me all day. And, was kind of excited at being able to surprise me. He told me that he would rather share his 'triumph' with me than anyone else. We sat on the couch...drank the beer ... and talked!! We haven't shared a beer together in about a year.(talked until we went upstairs...but you may thank me for not going into more detail). It was magical. Seemed, at times, more fantasy than reality. It may seem strange but, last night finally showed me that J actually does put us first. Our relationship matters to him. I know that I should 'know that' but, without an occasional reminder, it's amazing how quickly things can sour. Well, I'll sign off now. J is in the shower. I brought the kids to school and hit the gym this morning. Now, we are going for a drive in the country. Maybe do a picnic lunch. Cheerio.

Loving the Feeling

The other day, J, the kids and I were driving around...the windows were down...we were scarfing back ice cream cones...good tunes were on the radio. It was a good moment. Actually, it was an amazing moment. I'm getting a lot of those lately. I have amazing kids. I have a good home. I have a wonderful partner. I have a great job. My ass is beginning to look smoking (thank you lunges!). I have fantastic friendships (although they all live too far away to sneak a coffee break). I have 2 cats who brighten my day (except for the early morning 'we want food' whinge). I'm soooo happy I feel that I might actually burst...it's not cliche...I really might! World terrors, stupid wars, soccer mom/anti-poor/let them eat cake budgets, egomaniacal directors, crazy springtime drivers will all have to take a back seat. I'm feeling good.