But Tina Turner Had it Way Rougher

Well. Here I am. Single.
Hunh
Funny really.
I was doing the same things (pretty much) today as I usually do.
The ground didn't swallow me up.
I only felt a little like people could see my new and raw vulnerability. That I was a damaged good returned to vendor. Now placed on the discount shelf gathering dust.
How maudlin.
Took the kids to a beach today. There's a beach just down the road from where we live. A real beach. With sand. And lifeguards. And beautiful water (I'll assume it was tested and its bacteria count was low). Kids had fun. I had fun. I had wanted to go to this beach for the past couple years. I had always planned to go with J and the kids. Now that its just me...well...
I collected some of J's things today. I lost it for a bit when I found old valentine cards from J...all homemade. I have a few (at least) moments like these in my future I'm afraid.
Funny, looking back, that it was all a lie. I was living in a traditional loveless marriage. But that's not true either. There was love. There still is love.
I don't know what to do with his things. A big part of me wants to leave them where they are. They belong. They fit. Another part wants to just move on. Get it done. But...what's done? Why not just take some time to reflect? Do I have to make any decisions yet? Is it ok to wait?
I'll be seeing J tonight. He's looking forward to seeing the kids. I no longer have any allusions that he might want to be seeing me as well. I am, however, part of the package. We will be discussing stuff. The type of stuff that newly parted couples have to discuss. Kids. Finances. Things. Frankly, I'm not into any more drama. I cried enough in front of him. Sure there's the benefit that it makes him feel uncomfortable but geeesh. Enough already. My biggest challenge will be to not be too concerned over his welfare. Wondering how he'll get on. He's a big boy I know but ... why does it have to be messy? Why am I so confused still?
How does one turn off intimacy?