Spaces Inbetween

Love comes to you and you follow

When I was much younger and living with the family I grew up with I remember climbing the stairs to the loft space shared by my brothers. My eldest brother, Eric, was listening to music. Stereo parts and wires were strewn haphazardly on his desk, the floor and his bed. Music filled the entire space. The song was 'Heart of the Sunrise' by Yes.

Lose one on to the heart of the sunrise

The sun was streaming in through the window and shadows of blinds were etched onto Eric's face. His eyes were closed as he sang:

SHARP--DISTANCE

Time stopped. I remember the intensity of the moment. I remember how beautiful and raw his face was. Exposed. I could not know what he was thinking but I knew fully and completely what he was feeling. He was in his final year of High School. He was getting ready to leave home. He was caught in the space between now and then.

How can the wind with its arms//all around me

Two nights ago I received a phone call from an unfamiliar long distance number. 'Hello' said a strange voice. 'I have a young boy here who really wants to speak to his mommy.'

Lost on a wave and then after

My mind rationalized the situation immediately. My son was with his father. My son was safe. This stranger calling me must be a friend of my son's father.

Dream on on to the heart of the sunrise

'Mommy' my son whispered. His tears froze my heart. 'Mommy, I don't know where I am.'

SHARP--DISTANCE

I pressed the phone to my mouth and my ear and if it would have been possible I would have swallowed it whole in order to bring my son's voice and self closer to me. 'Honey I'm here. It's ok. You're ok. It's going to be ok.'

How can the wind with so many around me

'Mommy, I'm scared.'

Lost in the city

Time stopped. I remember the intensity of the moment. I do not remember thinking but I understood fully and completely what I was feeling. I was caught in the space between now and then.

Lost in their eyes as you hurry by

I have spoken to folk recently about frustration and the illusory nature of power and control. We label and define our worlds in a vain attempt to exercise our control over it.

Counting the broken ties they decided

We form relationships in order to have ourselves and our experiences reflected back. To know who we are. Some relationships we are born into. Others are chosen.

Straight light moving and removing//Sharpness of the colour sunshine

There are so many stories to be told and to be heard. When we open up and allow another in we breathe in their stories, their voices, their experiences, their joys and their pain. We do this in order to somehow make sense of what is ultimately senseless.

Straight light searching all the meanings//Of the song

My son was found. My mind dances around the cliff of 'what if' but I shy back from the edge out of necessity.

Long last treatment of the telling that//Relates to all the words sung

Right now, it is enough that he is safe. I have touched his body, smelt his hair, and heard his heart beat, looked into his eyes and tasted his skin. My senses are made believers.

Dreamer easy in the chair that really fits you.

Love comes to you and then after

This morning I received word that a friend's mother survived a major operation and the prognosis is good. I sent out a prayer of thanks into the ether. My friend was in the space between now and then.

Dream on on to the heart of the sunrise

This morning I got word that an old friend passed away peacefully at 5:45am.

SHARP--DISTANCE

I laid my head on my desk and watched as tears formed small puddles after bouncing on the concrete floor. His widow now inhabits the space between now and then. Her name and my favourite flower are the same. Funny what images come to mind.

How can the sun with its arms all around me

I remember one time when I climbed the stairs in the house I grew up in, I caught my brother in the act of singing.

SHARP--DISTANCE

The moment took my breath away. We shared an intimacy even though I'm pretty sure that he had no idea I was there watching as he let go.

How can the wind with so many around me.

I feel lost in the city.

(Lyrics in Italics from 'Heart of the Sunrise' by Yes)