Fighting Words

Wow. I'm sore. I'm wired. I'm on edge. I'm in need of something. Wish I knew what it was. I just got home from Aikido. The Sensei actually seemed to take pleasure in my pain today. He applied some nerve techniques to me and told me to 'expect some brusing.' Each time he did it I felt conflicted. I could feel anger rise within me. At the same time I felt something more akin to gratitude. I wanted to thank him for the lesson...even though it hurt. Part of me also wanted to fall back on 'don't be so hard on me...I'm a beginner...I'm a girl' etc. Neither of these would fly though. I happen to be a girl that can bench press some of the dudes in the class. I'm also beyond the 'beginner' phase in that I am now paired with those who are greener than me so that I can practice teaching them. I quite enjoyed the end of today's session. I was working on a new technique with my Senpai. He decided to make it hard for me and wanted me to work for the pin. I did and I got him good. Sometimes brute strength + attitude prevail.

I'm sick. There. I said it. I've been fighting it off. It's a chest cold that has now made me hoarse. I'll still go to work tomorrow but at least I'll admit to being under the weather. I should be there because the theatre's rigging is being inspected. It's my ship. I should be there whenever someone gives it the once over. I should be fine. I just had 3 ibuprofen and an ounce of scotch. One extra strength Neo Citran to go and I'll be ready for bed.

I've been doing some management style training at work. Some of it seems a bit wacky (what colour am I?) but there are parts that actually make sense. Is it strange that I am adding Aikido philosphy to it?
ie. instead of controlling one's team, one should create a sense of balance within the team and other such stuff. (really, the team would still be controlled and guided...just not so heavy handedly...use the energy of the team to get things done thereby using less energy oneself).

I really have to stay away from hard drugs. My obsessive nature would surely get me into trouble.