And so it goes

Yesterday we went for a drive as a family. Laughed. Giggled. Played. Went to the chocolate factory. All in all a great day. Except. Now there are exceptions. Big 'buts' (and I cannot lie). Territory has been marked out. Demarcations in the soil. Or is it sand? Home is no longer safe. Things can become uprooted within a moment's notice. Where I used to think that all would be fine and I could trust in tomorrow, I now have doubt. It's not insecurity. It's more like being unsecured. Unmoored. Ready to drift away... I am feeling, at present, a bit like a ghost. Only partially present. I'm doing my darnedest to see him. Does he see me? Is he trying like I am or is he putting in time. He said that he's come to the conclusion that I don't want him and that I would be happier with someone else. He said that he is ok with that as long as I am happy. I think that he should stop thinking and feeling for me and that he should give me a bit of credit. That is, if I wanted someone else, I'd go out and get someone else. When we first met, although we moved in together quickly and outwardly at least we looked like a couple, I really had no idea if he wanted me as a friend or something more. He was good at sending mixed signals. I feel like I've gone back in time. Not knowing. And now its worse because I can't trust myself. The day before yesterday I trusted my feelings. I knew my own heart. If everything around me, however, is in limbo and I find myself beginning to float, what can I really trust?