A New Wind

It's April. It's not Paris. It's been snowing. The robins look pissed. I received my candles. They have wicks. They burn. Lightly scented. I have been burning one every night. Home Fires. Obligation. They smell nice.

Work has been busy. End of the fiscal year means cleaning out the surplus budget before it gets swallowed whole by the institution never to be seen again. Thing is, we're never sure how much of a surplus it is so we have to make several contingency plans outlining what we want to purchase based on a variety of possible figures. I like making purchases on the company visa. I feel like I have a god-like credit limit -- if any deity were actually fiscally savvy...or even interested for that matter.

Woke up this morning knowing that I wanted to buy a new mattress. Stiff back. Stiff neck. Achy everything else. After my morning shift--bodybuilders in the theatre--and after walking the kids to and from the public library--very cool that we live within walking distance--I convinced J that we should go and get a new mattress. We walked in the shop and commenced lying down on beds until we found the perfect one. The kids played in the corner with the toys supplied by the company. I felt very yuppie. Our new mattress will be delivered on Friday. Our old one will be carted away to charity.

My Christmas cactus is about to bloom again. Same goes for a potted mum J had bought me a year ago that I was about to leave for dead. The inside of our house is fertile and awaiting spring.

I think my jeep has a leak in its radiator. One hole got plugged with the replacement of a hose but now steam comes out of the front grille. I'm really not ready to get rid of the jeep. There are more fuel efficient, planet friendly vehicles out there--bike anyone?--but I like my jeep. It's not ready for the land fill yet. Hopefully I can find a mechanic who agrees and can get it working again without emptying my wallet. To be honest, the thought of getting another vehicle makes me tense. I don't want to buy a new car. I don't even want to look at new cars. I don't want to be saddled with a used car that breaks down. I don't like the look of any cars out there in my price range. I need a vehicle to get the kids to school and such. I want a vehicle because I like to drive. Fast and hard. I admit it. I quit smoking. Allow me this vice.

I keep feeling like something is going to happen. I feel jumpy. Out of sorts. Not upset. Just strange. Kind of in limbo. Waiting. I was thinking about my past lives. As an undergrad I wore a few hats: Historian. Musician. Dancer. Ethnomusicologist. Coffee Slinger. Theatre Technician. Lighting Designer. Music Teacher. I've left some of that behind. Each role a part of who I once was and who I've become (not really all that different). I have a past that I'm pretty fond of.

I have a sneaking suspicion that something new is about to loom over the horizon. A change is a brewing. At the moment, I'll settle for a change in the weather.