Today I managed to can 12 jars of peaches and cleaned the upstairs bathroom. Yay for me. I spoke to my mother briefly on the phone but other than that I have been devoid of human contact except for the radio -- CBC of course. Haven't spent a day listening to the radio in ages. It's like I've been reunited with an old friend.
I'll be going to an Aikido seminar in Montreal next weekend. My mother is flying up on Thursday to watch the wee ones for me. I am no longer invited to travel with the group from my centre. Long story. Another drama. I'm so so so very tired of drama. I am not exactly sure where it is that I'll be staying but I'll figure something out. I may just end up driving there and back each day. Why not. Seems that I have an innate ability to, when I'm being myself, bring out the very best in folk and the very worst. I guess it's a talent? A gift?
I'm really not sure what I should be doing differently. I'm told to stop resisting. I'm told to not ever give 100% of myself. I should always hold something back. I'm told I'm greedy. I'm told I give too much. I'm told I try too hard. I'm told I don't try hard enough. I'm told I'm intelligent. I'm told I'm obtuse. I'm told I'm a good person. I'm told that I should work at becoming better. I'm told that I dictate right after I'm told exactly what to do. I'm told I write well. I'm told that words are worthless. I'm told that my intentions are obvious (even when I have no idea what it is that I am intending). I'm told that I'm strong enough to deal with all of this on my own and by myself. I'm told to make an effort to bring other people into my life. I'm told to move forward. I'm told to become still. I'm told to control myself. I'm told to let go.
I've had enough of being told. Is it too much to have y'all listen? Just for a moment?
I'm telling ya.
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