Driving home from the kids' dance class today I felt on edge. Strange. A whoosh of heat came through me. My mind was wandering. Floating. Walls have come down and I'm picking through the rubble. I'm working on teasing out emotional knots that have accumlated over the past couple years. I thought I had dealt with most things but now realize that I had dealt with the external factors--kids, finances, loss of partner etc. The internal factors had been shunted aside. First things first. Now, I guess, is the time to start dealing with the other crud. The nitty gritty. The essence of who I am beyond what I have experienced. Been through.
Traffic slowed in front of me. A car was stalled. The woman in the car was leaning back with her head in her hands. Waiting. Traffic pulled around her and waited at a red light. I looked left. Another woman jumped out of her car and fussed with something in her trunk. When she moved on there was yet another woman out of her car. She was shaking her head. Her car had started to make a strange noise and she didn't want to continue. Her girl friend, driving in a car behind her, got out to help. I carried on on to the highway thinking 'that was strange.' I kept driving and my mind flew away again. I made it to the off ramp and faced another slow down. When I got to the corner there was another car sitting at an intersection. Another woman in the drivers seat. Stalled. Hazard lights blinking.
I continued home. I haven't stalled.
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