Happy Halloween

Just got back from trick or treating. It's great fun. It's too close to call the difference in enjoyment between now and when I was wee. Watching my little star and moon race up to the doors and get into the spirit of all things spooky makes me want to both laugh and cry. The ache in my chest is still here. How did I get so lucky? The costumes were a success. I'm quite proud. They got many comments tonight on how good they looked. One part creativity, one part access to a costume cellar, one part plain ol' stubborness and voila. The kids totally raked in the goods this year too. It's totally a chocolate year! The houses in my neighbourhood are gorgeous. I love being able to step close enough to peek. Most of the homes are even more grand on the inside. Polished hardwood and stone everywhere complimented by well placed and chosen bric a brac. Wonder when I'll be grown up enough to be able to move into a house like that? Maybe one day. But for now, I like where I'm at. Time to make an attempt to bring the star and moon down a bit from their sugar/excitement high. I think that before I do that, I'll join them a bit. Chocolate anyone?

All the Time in the World (well...at least an extra hour anyway)

November can be felt early this year. The leaves have been pretty much all blown off the trees. The skies are more grey than blue. The wind has developed a razor's edge. Today is the return of standard time. Traditionally, this has been my favourite day of the year. A part of me feels that I have slipped the wool over someone's eyes. Somehow gotten away with something. I have an extra hour! I can spend the day controlling time! I usually don't change any clocks today either. I like to look at the time and think 'oh...it's such and such a time' followed immediately with 'it's an hour earlier! yay!' This was a particularly good tactic when I had assignments/essays due. I would revel in the luxury of the extra hour. It still makes me giddy. Yes. I'm a wild child. I know that the time change makes the world seem darker. Nevertheless, I love this season. It is unpredictable. In a state of constant motion. Change. That it is dark when I leave in the morning and return home in the evening just seems to make the at home time cozier. Despite the wildness of outside, our home is safe. Warm. Halloween is in 2 days. The boy wants to be a twinkle little star. The girl wants to be a moon. I've made a date to go into the basement and have some fun with cardboard, glitter and spray glue. I recently heard a statistic stating that only 5% of costumes are home made anymore. I like coming up with costumes. I'm not very crafty and my ideas don't ever turn out the way they exist in my mind but, the costumes work and, it's important for the kids to put their imaginations into it eh? J has been very busy with work lately. All money in the bank. (I kinda wish that this saying were actually more true...in fact it should read more like 'it's all money in the pit we call personal debt-- oh well). My work place has been hopping. On Friday was my first day off in 16 days. I'm off today as well. I feel thoroughly spoiled. What will I do today? This day of days? This 25 hour day? Same as any other Sunday I guess. Just more of the same.

Take Me Down

It is a strange world indeed. I'm off to work tomorrow. Thank the gods. I like time off. I do, however, go a bit stir crazy. My closets are clean. My drawers are in order. Most of the dust bunnies have retreated. I've killed a multitude of spiders. No guilt...I have bites from the night. It's raining yet again. Connection? I spoke with an old friend. Funny how history rewrites itself. What happened is not what actually happened. Even though I was there...I should know...I was unaware of what was really going on. Hmmm. But, says I, I was not wrong! My memory is still good. Isn't it? Maybe not. Maybe I should just accept the new reality that states that what happened really doesn't matter. All that matters is what people:

1) perceive as having had happened, and;
2) want to have happened.

These become what happened. No wonder sociology is on the rise and the historian is taking an academic back seat. Could I be any more vague? Possibly? Doubtful.

I was in the car with J today. Driving in the rain. I was thinking about Leonard Cohen. I saw a documentary recently about the woman who inspired his song 'Suzanne.' She's living in a truck in California now. A 'free spirit.' It was a sad documentary. Her meeting with Cohen was brief. Her attachment to him continues today. He left her behind. Down by the river. She spoke of a time when they met up many years after their first meeting. He said 'thanks for the song.' I wonder if she let the river answer?

Books and Birds

Happy Thanksgiving!! Mine was very nice. I worked Saturday and Sunday (the Sunday show wasn't as bad as I thought...they never really are...) and I made the bird and fixins' yesterday. J's mom and her border came as well as my brother D. The kids were brilliant. The bird was fantastic. Today I'm going through drawers and closets getting caught up on odds and sods. I'll be back at work on Thursday...'there's no business like show business.'

Speaking of shows...J took me to see a performance of 'The Wrong Son' ... I really really enjoyed it. Based in film noire format and performed as a musical...complete with full jazz band (fantastic musicians)...with the dialogue done in jazz recitative. Trap doors raised and lowered revealing and hiding people and things. It's been a long time since I have seen a show this good. Strong voices...strong writing...strong acting...strong tech...I only wish I could have seen it more than once. The bittersweet joy of live theatre.

The other day I told J that I was craving a book...actually I told him that I was jonesin' for one. He got up and took off to the bookstore and picked up 'The River of the Broken Hearted' ... J said that it was no big deal...he'd go and get me a burger if I had a craving...why not a book? Who says that romance is dead. I just might have fallen in love all over again.

Rainy Day Meandering

It's a rainy day. I have the morning off. As soon as the load of laundry in the basement is dry and has been put away I will head off to work. It was nice to be able to sleep in this morning. J called me a little after 10am to wake me up. Actually, he called to say that he was in the basement picking up a tool for a job he's working on and didn't want to freak me out if I happened to wake up and hear strange noises. It's good that he did this. Have I ever mentioned my over active imagination before? I hope the rain doesn't knock down all the leaves. It's supposed to be sunny for the rest of the weak. I love autumn and this year seems even more vibrant than ever before. Perhaps because I am really in the mood for fall. I have always liked this season. I feel more alive. As vibrant as the leaves. Last weekend, J travelled to my home town in order to pick up a saw from my dad. The kids and I went to the experimental farm (very very cool!), had lunch at a wood burning pizza joint and then saw a live butterfly exhibit at the university. It was a very good weekend overall. J ended up talking with my dad and getting loaded until around 2:30am! I'm glad that they finally got a chance to swap stories. Good for the both of them. Next weekend is Thanksgiving. For the first time in my grown up memory, we will be celebrating/eating on the Monday and not the Sunday. I am booked to work on both Saturday and Sunday. My bitterness about this is dissipating. Unfortunately, it's not a show that I'm too fond of. Ah well. That's life. My brother D will be coming on the Monday. I'm looking forward to it as are the kidlings. I also plan on taking Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off. Maybe I could race off to Montreal on the Tuesday for a visit. We'll see. To those of you I love who are too far away...big hugs and lots of love!!! If you are in the neighbourhood, drop by. There are always leftovers!

My Girl

The other day I was driving home after having had picked up the kids from school. The girl began to tell me about her day and said that their class had talked about what they wanted to be when they grew up. She was confused about something. 'No one said that they wanted to be a dad when they grew up,' she said and continued, 'and I was the only one who wanted to be a mom.' Huh. My girl wants babies and to be a mom. Might I also add here that she is one of the smartest/wisest people I have had the pleasure to meet. Her observations never cease to challenge and amaze me. She went on to say that she also wants to work on films and make films for children to watch. Very cool. She then began to badger her brother and try to convince him that he should want to be a dad. The boy wasn't easily convinced. He too wanted to work on films but as a zoom boom operater. When told that his dad drives a zoom boom on occasion he demured and said that yes, he wanted to be a dad...as long as he could still drive cool stuff. Ok. I'm not entirely sure where the girl's decision to be a mom has come from. J and I have each told the kidlings that our most important jobs are that of parents...but I feel that something else is at play here. She sees being a mom as something valuable...special even. Huh. Well, it is. Her views are just different from my experience. I never ever felt that I wanted to be a mom when I was younger. Hell, the whole mom thing came to me, I guess, as an inevitability...one thing flowing to the other...much like leaving home to go to university. It was never a decision per se. It was something that I just did. Hmmm...when I actually explore this a bit further, I've never really wanted to 'be' anything. I am what I am. (sorry popeye) There are a few things that I'd like to 'do' but my deeds aren't really who I am. But, would I be going on like this if the girl had said she wanted to be a doctor? I doubt it. Last year, she had told me that she wanted to be a doctor when she got older. I asked her about that old world view. She replied...'on no mummy. I would need a lot of training and you know? some of that training would be very gross...looking into people's stomachs...ewwwwwww.' That's my girl.