A History of Smoking (Part V)

It was funny how one month I was chastising my boss for smoking in the office, and in the next I was bumming a light from him. I loved smoking. I worked in a university cafe and took delight in grabbing 'breaks' during light moments and going over to sit with other smokers. My guitar instructor found out. He chastised me. Told me I was killing my capillaries...that my playing would suffer. I really didn't care. I had a bottle of Jack in my locker. I was enjoying the life of the 'artiste.' Geesh. Then I met 'A.' He came to one of my recitals. He told me that he thought smoking was sexy. I mocked him and faked coughing up a lung in his face. I liked him. He didn't smoke. After a while, neither did I. Well, not until we went off to England together. A couple nights before we left there was a moment of forshadowing. One of our drunken neighbours dropped a bottle on his car and smashed the windshield. I reached for a smoke. I nearly puked. The desire to smoke it was there. We left the country. We were gone for 58 days. We backpacked and stayed in hostels. After 2 weeks, I bought myself a pack of B&H and was smoking in the tent. I was rebelling. He didn't like it. I didn't care. I was in control. We got back to Canada and, about 4 days later, he broke up with me. I was heart broken. Devestated. But...I was smoking again. I also lost weight. Perfect. How could smoking be bad for me? I gained new friends...of course they smoked. I remember sitting in rooms downing red wine and jack and finishing off a pack. One night, I brought a boy home from a coffee shop. I remember finishing off 2 bottles of wine, a half a bag of pot, 2 condoms and a pack of smokes. I remember my mom calling me the next day and I was able to mention all of these things except for the smoking -- the pot I mentioned...the cigarettes I couldn't. Strange eh? I became adept at hiding my smoking from my parents. Much easier when I was 12 hours away. Harder when I went to visit them or they came up to visit me. The smoking/non smoking dance was an odd one. And, at the time, one I had fun being a part of.